Listen to what the other guy is NOT saying.
I heard this from an ex-boss of mine. And he explained this so succinctly that for me it became a radar to monitor the behaviour of people around me.
Later as I travelled my own journey of life, became a coach, started taking sessions on communication, this statement kept coming back to me like a surf.
That, in this simple sounding statement lay such a huge, profound meaning of non-verbal communication.
When a fellow worker resigned from the organisation, he gave different reasons of leaving like, that the company he is joining is bigger, is growing fast, is opening more offices in India & abroad, is closer to his place of stay, is giving me a separate chamber etc etc. In his mentioned reasons, there was none pertaining to pay package. And whereas as it turned out later, that was the sole reason of his leaving the organisation.
Now whenever I take a session on communication, coming to non-verbal communication, I never fail to mention & quote this statement to make my point.
This statement has been so helpful in understanding people in one-to-one meetings. The movement of hands, scratching of head, getting clumsy with things on the table, dilating eye lids, not keeping the eye contact. These all point to something that is there but is not being said. And one has to train himself to be an astute observer.
To discover what the other guy is NOT saying follow this :
Resort to Active Listening: Pay close attention to what the person is saying and how they’re saying it. Listen for inconsistencies between their words and their tone of voice, as well as any pauses or hesitations.
Check the Body Language: Watch for non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, and eye contact. These can provide valuable insights into someone’s true feelings.
Ask Open-ended Questions: This never fails. Encourage the person to share more by asking open-ended questions that require more than just a yes or no answer. This can help uncover underlying thoughts and emotions.
Trust Your Intuition: Well, this may take some time. Sometimes, your gut feeling can provide valuable insights into what someone is hiding. Trust your instincts, but also be aware of any biases that may influence your interpretation.
Humans were built to not to cheat or not to be deceitful. However, when that happens, there are always tell-tale signs. He may not be saying it but for sure, he is showing it.
So, to become a great observer, “Listen to what the other guy is NOT saying”.